Being me… Not as uncool as I thought

I have realised I’m not the world’s most suave, sophisticated or even stylish person. I think of myself that way, but when your best dance move is The Sprinkler, you’re only kidding yourself.

I was at a party recently when the music stopped abruptly, and I was caught mid-dance-move. In my mind, I thought I must have looked like I was doing some weird karate move, so rather than be sprung for being mega-uncool, I yelled, “Aiiii!” and launched myself into the nearest person.

I’m not great at thinking on my feet.

“Heh, heh, just thought you had a spider on you. Karate, you know.”

I have mentioned that I’m not great at thinking on my feet.

The man, who was a complete stranger but looked a little like David Tennant, scraped me off his chest and looked at me like I was a crazy woman. Which maybe I was, but that’s beside the point.

“Can I help you?”

“Uh, no. Just – A spider. Thought you might be arachnophobic. Never know when fear may cause a random heart-attack.”

By this time, everyone at the party was staring, and the gorgeous man before me had smirk just tugging the corner of his mouth. I was so embarrassed, you could have used my face as a grill pan.

He leaned in and whispered, “Caught in a bad dance move?”

“How did – I mean, what – ?” Was this guy inside my mind?

“Done it myself, you know.” He smiled and threw his arms in the air, screaming, “Ah! Spider! get it off!”

I karate-chopped him again – a little more half-heartedly than I could have – and he said loudly, “Thanks so much. I think that got it.”

I smiled, grateful that the music started again and everyone got back to moving in perfect rhythm.

‘David’ and I started dancing again, but it was obvious that his moves were more of a disaster than mine. He looked like someone was tasering him as he moved spasmodically around the dance floor, clearing a space ten feet in diameter around us.

Lest someone think we were together and start filming their next YouTube episode, I left, feigning a call of nature.

“See you soon then?” he asked hopefully.

“Heh, heh. Yeah. I mean, sure. I just have to – you know.”

He nodded and continued ‘dancing’.

I left. David Tennant or no, that man should have learned The Sprinkler.


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