On the first date with my husband, I spilled water on his trousers. On the second, it was coffee on the hand. There followed a pretzel in the eye (don’t ask), dog puke in his lap (really don’t ask), and a home cooked meal that was more like over-salted charcoal (the usual, I’m afraid).
And yet he persisted. As do my friends – even when I serve them inedible experiments or need to give them first aid for the minor burns I inflict upon them.
Why? Well maybe it’s because they’ve been pre-warned.
Upon inviting a new friend around for coffee, my husband obtained his phone number, “in case we have to change plans at short notice”. We don’t normally have to change plans, but okay, whatever. Just something he does – like combing the cat, saving the bread tags or plucking his nasal hairs with pliers.
So anyway, the next morning, my husband was running late so I opened his phone to text the carpool and advise a later pickup.
A text from the new friend was waiting on his home screen: “Sounds like a disaster! Can’t wait!”
I opened the message to find that my loving husband had texted a warning the night before:
“Just for your own safety, wear three layers. And eat before you come.”
At first I was seriously offended, I mean, what the – ? But then I realised… I’d much rather this than have them injured or hungry. And if they react well to the warning, then we’re already off to a good start.
I closed the phone and made myself a coffee – only spilling a small amount on my husband’s jacket as I kissed him good-bye.