At the age of eight, I watched Jaws through the crack in the bedroom door.
Next morning when Mum asked how I slept, I asked for coffee…and thus began my addiction to caffeine and – although not sure it’s related – my insomnia.
For the next few months, bath time required there to be within arm’s reach, a cheese-grater, a fork and some garlic (because all demonic creatures hate garlic – and apparently cheese graters and forks). I also developed a complicated (but obviously effective) avoid-the-shower-plughole dance in case a Great White forced its way up the pipes and into the cubicle, with the intention of devouring me whole. Or worse – in pieces.
Today, of course, I am much more mature about these things. I simply avoid the bathtub and have a piece of shark-proof netting over the shower drain. And I eat plenty of garlic bread. And chocolate, because sharks probably don’t like chocolate (being used to salty fish instead). So if I eat enough chocolate, then a shark might think, “hey, she smells like something weird and unnatural”, and swim off to devour someone who ate a packet of salty crackers or brocolli or something.
Problem solved.
I remember watching Jaws just before a fifth form biology practical. We used small sharks and dissected their brains to identify the cranial nerves. I felt fulfilled.
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Yeah. Take that, Jaws.
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I was afraid of the shower…because a snake came up from a broken pipe under it..the pipe was fixed but I would always have a baseball bat with me when I had to go into that room. lol
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Oh, joy. Another thing to attack me in the shower. Thanks for sharing! But seriously…a snake? That would scar someone for life. Do you even take showers?
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not if I can help it…………lol
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That sounds like a practical solution to me. I like that it has worked, so we can all do it now since it’s been proven.
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Maybe I should go into business writing self-help columns.
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I think that’s what many blogs are–if it helps, then it’s good.
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Don’t feel bad–as a kid, I read Stephen King’s Salem’s Lot, and spent the next few years with my Nana’s cross hanging on my bedpost. I guess it worked, because I never did get bitten by a vampire.
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Well done on keeping those pesky vampires away. You never know when they’re going to jump out at you. This is the sort of thing that should go on a self-help blog for kids…or not.
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