The thought crosses my mind that my problem-solving skills could be better

At the age of eight, I watched Jaws through the crack in the bedroom door.

Next morning when Mum asked how I slept, I asked for coffee…and thus began my addiction to caffeine and – although not sure it’s related – my insomnia.

For the next few months, bath time required there to be within arm’s reach, a cheese-grater, a fork and some garlic (because all demonic creatures hate garlic – and apparently cheese graters and forks). I also developed a complicated (but obviously effective) avoid-the-shower-plughole dance in case a Great White forced its way up the pipes and into the cubicle, with the intention of devouring me whole. Or worse – in pieces.

Today, of course, I am much more mature about these things. I simply avoid the bathtub and have a piece of shark-proof netting over the shower drain. And I eat plenty of garlic bread. And chocolate, because sharks probably don’t like chocolate (being used to salty fish instead). So if I eat enough chocolate, then a shark might think, “hey, she smells like something weird and unnatural”, and swim off to devour someone who ate a packet of salty crackers or brocolli or something.

Problem solved.

 


10 thoughts on “The thought crosses my mind that my problem-solving skills could be better

  1. Don’t feel bad–as a kid, I read Stephen King’s Salem’s Lot, and spent the next few years with my Nana’s cross hanging on my bedpost. I guess it worked, because I never did get bitten by a vampire.

    Liked by 2 people

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