His eyes positively lit up when he was fed notes.
I had to go into the police station to collect a set of keys I’d lost. Easy, right? Wrong. I entered the monolith full of law-enforcing scary people and was ordered to sit by the eyebrow behind the desk. I did as I was told, determined not to do the verbal-diarrhoea thing, the tripping over thing or … More The Station
You know those moments when you have to put the pet mouse down at the vet and then you bury it in the back yard with a small farewell and a wreath of flowers, and then the dog digs up the mouse and eats it and then falls into a coma because it just ingested … More Life and death
I’d get new locks…
You know those moments when you should be working on your next project and you get distracted by a new candy-popping game, and suddenly it’s 4am and you haven’t done a thing? And then you reach for your coffee, realise it’s empty, but then understand it was only half empty after all when cold coffee … More Would have made a good YouTube clip?
This dishwasher is Rudolph’s albino cousin.
Leading by example isn’t always as easy as looking busy or volunteering at bingo. When my daughter said she wanted to be a chef, I – being the great role model that I am – thought I’d show her what that may entail. Now before you hold your breath in anticipation of the suspected disaster that … More Being superwoman could be a little easier
It’s nice to be outside. For limited periods. Like once a fortnight, for eight minutes tops. But sometimes, there’s an outdoor wedding, a picnic, a cat-in-a-drain rescue – that sort of thing – and you have to put aside your feelings of doom and just go…or people will suspect you have some sort of phobia … More Starts as fun, ends up being myself as usual
Normally when I’m trying to impress someone with my stellar wit and intelligence, I end up saying something like, “Sausages are awkwardly shaped, aren’t they?” or “I wanted to be a nurse until I realised people have gross hairy bits.” Alternatively, I trip, bump into things or spill soup down my front. But not today. … More Things happen…All the time