You know those moments when you get up early and take your first gulp of coffee for the morning, then remember you ate the last pickle the night before and left the jar of pickle-juice-and-floaty-bits right where you normally keep your coffee? Yeah, those moments.
You know those moments when you’re a kid and your Mum tells you not to stick a fork in the toaster, so you stick in a knife instead, and the next thing you remember is the floor being nice and cool but smelling vaguely of sizzling hair? Yeah, those moments. NOTE: Don’t stick … More Oh, you mean any metal object?
You know those moments when you’re talking to someone with several lengthy hairs growing out of a mole on his chin, and you can’t concentrate on anything else? And he clocks you looking, and you know he has but there’s nothing in the world but you and his chin? And then, when you try to … More Don’t look. Whatever you do, don’t look
You know those moments when you’re wearing new shoes that don’t quite have enough grip for the loose gravel your walking on, and you slip and fall on your bum and spill your drink all over yourself? Then you look around and realise no one saw it which is too good to be true, so … More New shoes, green shoes, blue shoes, two shoes – whatever – you just better get a grip
You know those moments when your friend asks you to dress up for her kid’s party, and she says, “Come as your favourite De Niro”, so you spend hours finding the right mohawk wig and give yourself a black eye with some freaky makeup, then arrive stating “Ta da! Taxi Driver!” And when, after a … More A little over-enthusiasm never hurt anyone. Humiliate, but not hurt.
You know those moments when you invite the neighbour ’round for dinner next Friday and they arrive this Friday when you’re in your pyjamas and half way through a pepperoni pizza? Yeah, those moments.
You know those moments when you see the cat running away from something but then realise it ate the mince that was defrosting on the sink and it’s not really running away, but trying to poop out the bag it swallowed whole instead? And how you begin to understand you’re going to have to help … More Never trust your cat with unattended food
You know those moments when you have to put the pet mouse down at the vet and then you bury it in the back yard with a small farewell and a wreath of flowers, and then the dog digs up the mouse and eats it and then falls into a coma because it just ingested … More Life and death
You know those moments when you should be working on your next project and you get distracted by a new candy-popping game, and suddenly it’s 4am and you haven’t done a thing? And then you reach for your coffee, realise it’s empty, but then understand it was only half empty after all when cold coffee … More Would have made a good YouTube clip?
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