My ex used to say – probably more often than he should have – “There’s a reason your finger is exactly the same size as your nostril.” That’s the sort of exes I’ve had. Now, I know that says a lot about me, but before you judge, bear in mind that they are exes for … More Ex-tinguish
I went to the park today. A young couple were watching their son on the swing, and having what looked like an interesting conversation, so of course, I eavesdropped. “That’s a tree?” the man said. “Yeah it’s a tree,” she said. “No way. I mean, what the fuck?” “I think they’re aerial roots.” “Meaning it … More Tree-mendous
Trying to explain to the cops that I wasn’t drunk wasn’t easy, given I was wearing a plastic garbage bag, one heel, and a feather boa. I was, admittedly, holding a tumbler of vodka and apple juice, but it wasn’t mine, officer – honest. The kindly officers were about to drive me home when my then-boyfriend … More I’m not drunk! Well, maybe a little
I was told about an amazing guy who runs a guided meditation session in the hall each Friday, and already has a string of (mostly female) followers. Suddenly, all my friends are wearing baggy pants and amber beads and saying things like, “So deep. So truly profound,” and staring pensively at the clouds passing over … More Guru Games
Obviously my IQ isn’t high enough to assemble my new bed frame. In fact, both my husband’s and mine together aren’t enough, nor with the neighbour’s included. Admittedly, it’s a frame from a designer shop, and I have no mechanical ingenuity, but still. After an hour of struggling, I said, “Maybe we should really read the manual.” … More Easy-to-assemble?