The Station

I had to go into the police station to collect a set of keys I’d lost. Easy, right? Wrong. I entered the monolith full of law-enforcing scary people and was ordered to sit by the eyebrow behind the desk. I did as I was told, determined not to do the verbal-diarrhoea thing, the tripping over thing or … More The Station

Fair warning

On the first date with my husband, I spilled water on his trousers. On the second, it was coffee on the hand. There followed a pretzel in the eye (don’t ask), dog puke in his lap (really don’t ask), and a home cooked meal that was more like over-salted charcoal (the usual, I’m afraid). And … More Fair warning

Puzzle (not) fun

Jigsaw puzzles. The invention of demons from the ninth dimension of hell… After several hours staring at about 736 plain blue pieces and trying to connect them in some order, I decided it was time for the scissors. “Mum, you can’t do that.” “Why not?” “Because then the picture won’t fit together. And it’s cheating. … More Puzzle (not) fun

Musical chairs

What sadist invented musical chairs? You prance around an ever-diminishing set of chairs in the hope no one accuses you of ‘crowding’, sees your dance moves, or pushes you headlong into another participant. And in the end, everyone resents the winner, and the players win a crappy plastic bracelet each. What kind of game is that? … More Musical chairs

Trust issues

Trust is an interesting thing, isn’t it? I mean, we trust that the guy flipping our burger hasn’t had his finger up his nose moments before. We trust that the barista hasn’t spat in our coffee because she didn’t like the way we paid with ten-cent coins and pocket lint, promising to pay her the … More Trust issues

Kids are so…

Kids are great for your self-esteem. What Mum isn’t chuffed when their daughter tells them they look like a butterfly? “Aw, thanks honey,” said I, slightly blushing. “Yeah,” she said. “Your arms are all droopy – just like butterfly wings. Weeee! Flap, flap, flap!” I smiled tightly and patted her on the head. “Yes, Mummy is a … More Kids are so…

Counting chickens

  “Is it my fault the chickens ate my homework?” “It is when you smear it with honey and seed and leave it in the chicken coop.” “I had to. I hate algebra.” “You think the chickens don’t?” “I saw Bock-Bock scratching triangles in the dirt. I just put two and two together.” “Did you … More Counting chickens