I volunteered for canteen duties at the primary school, thinking some brownie points wouldn’t go astray after the last episode with the principal. I was imagining canteen ladies like when I was at school – big smiles, flappy arms and floral dresses. I wasn’t prepared for heavy make-up, impeccable dress senses and an intolerance for … More Canteen ladies, eggplant and an unfortunate accident with some rockets
When Molly was in grade two, her teacher called me aside to tell me that she and her BFF had been in a bit of an argument, but neither girl would talk about why. The teacher went on to say that the other girl had said that Molly called her a B-word. A B-word? When … More When little people get ugly
I’ve never been able to relax around attractive people – somehow I blurt crazy cat-lady anecdotes or laugh like a hyena at their bad jokes. But I do try to behave like someone with social skills. For example, at the local cafe is a gorgeous creature – one who could be carved from the marble … More Take your handsome self and leave me, foul demon
My daughter gave me an origami heart she’d made and I decided to return her loving gesture with one of my own – even though craft is really not my thing. I squashed the little voice inside that said, Well don’t feel too bad if you fail miserably again – I’m sure you don’t need … More Fold here then here, then… oops, I mean fold there instead…or maybe there
After being woken at 3am to the sound of a howling cat (or possibly a hunting bunyip – you never know in rural Australia), I was bleary-eyed and irritable. To divest myself of this cloak of darkness, I decided to go for a walk. As soon as the sunlight brushed the treetops, I was pounding … More It just shows that nothing is ever straight-forward. Not even bunyips.
Looking out the window the other morning, I spied a pretty little bird watching me. We shared a moment before I continued with the dishes and got ready for work. But then the next morning there he was again, spying on me from behind the same bush. He was adorable and I felt honored to … More Sometimes it doesn’t matter if you’re forgetful – there’s magic in it anyway
You know those moments when you get up early and take your first gulp of coffee for the morning, then remember you ate the last pickle the night before and left the jar of pickle-juice-and-floaty-bits right where you normally keep your coffee? Yeah, those moments.
When the cat uses his tray, I pretend not to notice and wait for someone to say, “Gee, I better go change the litter box.” And I would then say, “Oh goodness! I didn’t notice! Are you sure? Okay then, thanks so much. I’ll be here just filing my nails.” This is not how it … More You never quite get used to the smell
Fighting my way past tour groups of over-perfumed seniors on my way to the gallery canteen, I spied an artwork that left an indelible mark on my poor uncultured brain. A small group was clustered around an oversize painting, so I hazarded a glance. A single streak of brown, three drops of red and a … More When things look like other things but you shouldn’t say it in case you get chased with a pitchfork
You know those moments when you’re a kid and your Mum tells you not to stick a fork in the toaster, so you stick in a knife instead, and the next thing you remember is the floor being nice and cool but smelling vaguely of sizzling hair? Yeah, those moments. NOTE: Don’t stick … More Oh, you mean any metal object?