Interior decorating. Well, why not? I’m not bad at creative stuff, so why not give it a bash? I’m always finding new things to do. The snot-green wall was replaced with a snot-green wall with a picture on it, and a vase of flowers was placed on the mantle. Next, some cushions. I like blue, … More A riot of colour…or something…
Sometimes I wonder how long I’d have made it in a prehistoric world. I think I’d have been wiped from the gene pool fairly quickly in some sort of spectacularly tragic accident. Perhaps I would have been silently stalked by something with sabre teeth as I foraged, or been poisoned while tasting the new red … More My history in prehistory
You know those moments when you see the cat running away from something but then realise it ate the mince that was defrosting on the sink and it’s not really running away, but trying to poop out the bag it swallowed whole instead? And how you begin to understand you’re going to have to help … More Never trust your cat with unattended food
Last night I dreamed I had the eyes of a goat – horizontal stripes, bright yellow orbs, stubby eyelashes and all. The rest of me was me, but the eyes were just plain weird. What was the message behind the dream – that I should do something about my facial hair before I grow a … More Message to the goat lady
Everyone knows not to walk between trees in Australia. Or under them. Or anywhere near them before dawn. Or after dawn if we’re being honest. It was a beautiful night, a sliver of moon nestled in the infinite stars above. I was looking up at this glorious view on my way to check the mailbox … More Nature. So…
On the first date with my husband, I spilled water on his trousers. On the second, it was coffee on the hand. There followed a pretzel in the eye (don’t ask), dog puke in his lap (really don’t ask), and a home cooked meal that was more like over-salted charcoal (the usual, I’m afraid). And … More Fair warning
What sadist invented musical chairs? You prance around an ever-diminishing set of chairs in the hope no one accuses you of ‘crowding’, sees your dance moves, or pushes you headlong into another participant. And in the end, everyone resents the winner, and the players win a crappy plastic bracelet each. What kind of game is that? … More Musical chairs
My ex used to say – probably more often than he should have – “There’s a reason your finger is exactly the same size as your nostril.” That’s the sort of exes I’ve had. Now, I know that says a lot about me, but before you judge, bear in mind that they are exes for … More Ex-tinguish
I went to the park today. A young couple were watching their son on the swing, and having what looked like an interesting conversation, so of course, I eavesdropped. “That’s a tree?” the man said. “Yeah it’s a tree,” she said. “No way. I mean, what the fuck?” “I think they’re aerial roots.” “Meaning it … More Tree-mendous
Obviously my IQ isn’t high enough to assemble my new bed frame. In fact, both my husband’s and mine together aren’t enough, nor with the neighbour’s included. Admittedly, it’s a frame from a designer shop, and I have no mechanical ingenuity, but still. After an hour of struggling, I said, “Maybe we should really read the manual.” … More Easy-to-assemble?
